good morning, darling 'dena

writing from Mj's hand-me-down, enjoying the morning air of pasadena, ca. we've been living here for the past couple months, and have been finding quirks throughout the area.. such as these:
what are they ? g i a n t l a m p s ! walking down lake st, you're able to spot these household inspired street lights... i thought them rather funny. i haven't been doing much, other than reading & working on songs... but i was able to stop by anthropologie for an hour or so, using my giftcard (thank you, A!). was delightful. :)
maybe i'll have something to write soon... lately, the need to share personal things with the world has become less appealing, perhaps it is simply a phase ? :/

for your eyes

"if you love me, you will keep my commandments. and i will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you." - John 14:15-17

if you
l o v e
me, you will
k e e p
my commandments.. .

i keep repeating that to myself.. knowing that mistakes happen, and grow from them rather than allowing them to consume and become me, clouding my mind so i cannot hear His purpose, His calling.

sunday, sweet

tonight, i find myself outside of fuller's gorgeous library in sweetpea pas'dena, taking in the evening air and listening to the album leaf, a favorite from high school. i haven't been on lately, since the death of my own looking-glass, tour, and not to mention the misplacement of my darling cam-am, but it's good to be back. . . updates soon. :)

coming home..

darling dears,

after a summer hiatus, i am enthusiastic to announce my return as official observer, appreciator and reporter of small happenstances that have inspired my being!

unfortunately, my computer has been infected by a small V-monster; with many hours, i have faith i'll be able to bring her wireless access back to life.. . [if you are a computer wiz, please contact me asap! at suzijae@gmail.com, i nEed youu!] once that is all in order, i will be able to share with you the moments i have captured using my friend canon from this summer, and at the beginning of this new season...

thinking and praying for you, my dearest ones..

s

auntie soozu & mi-mi

afternoons spent with my one & only precious niece, wandering the wild-side of irvine's concrete suburban sprawl are best described as uplifting*.

as we strolled to the park, my bare-feet seemed to stun many as they rolled by in their lexuses and mini-suvs or jogged by in their new athletic gear. though i found myself in a position feeling as though i were dressed for the wrong occasion, i was ecstatic to see such a large number of individuals taking in the saturday afternoon with their kids, playing basketball or catch, as baby M & i sat and played in the grass.

M was so exhausted, she crashed shortly after our arrival and i took a closer look at the world surrounding.

*due to stress, i find my thoughts are being sufficated with daily duties. two more months to get things in order, then.. i pray God has a place for both Mjae & me.

first moments

[unfortunately, due to the fact i am not currently living in the desert, i won't be able to update you on the effects of mad-heat disease. this blog will take a personal turn]

as i start the ignition, i take a moment to remember this past year. realizing that in everyday that follows, there will be an void, lacking the laughter of my younger siblings. in all honesty, i have built my current life and total existence around them, everything i have done outside of school, evita! or work, has been either based on them or shared with them. i'll miss being woken up, fighting for a few last moments of sleep, knowing i will wake up in two minutes and take either M, J or D to school. i'll miss D and his final countdown everyday. i'll miss making fools of ourselves in public, as he guns me in the gut and i fall dead. i'll miss watching conan with J, her sweet temperament and taking pictures of her. i'll miss driving M & Mx to the ends of the earth, and talking to them during lunch. i'll miss taking pictures of my little ones, who when i go back to visit, will be grown and distant. yes, my moment quickly turned to several; as i pulled onto the i-10 w, i finally let go.

it's good that i am taking this summer for myself, by myself. i've been neglecting my spiritual, and social needs for some time.. it is probably the best move; He knows best.

packing up some.

rummaging through my closet, i pull out bits and pieces of my past which seem to linger amongst the dust-covered books and aging shoe-boxes. as simple as reading a title, i am instantly drawn back into a time gone by as my mind fills with images of familiar faces and half conversations. some memories lighter than others, but with each new rediscovery and blast from the past, i am reminded of the beauty in God's work, as i piece together and tie loose ends. He truly takes each one of us and in every passing moment we are being molded and exposed to newer or more recognizable experiences at which we can grow into a much wiser, more beautiful version of ourselves. although there is a darker alternative, we may stumble and fall; i know that with the new dawn comes another chance to choose to live fully. in all this, i am so thankful for the short time i was able to grow in conversation and appreciation with a nearly stranger. he who came into my life more recently than not, reminding me of the beauty within fundamentals, and freedom within one's gifts. his wisdom i will not disregard, and his character i will admire. thank you, dear stranger. i shall return to my packing!

- - flight of the conchords tomorrow in san diego! plus K's birthday, happy birthday K! - -

nearly midnight

and i am so eager to move away from this dust-bowl.. orange county, i hope you have a handful of perspectives eager to make a new friend because this place is swarming with dulls & grays. it's partially me; i'm not hooked in with an awesome church group. instead, i repeat the same night over and over with the same five people and throughout the night i am reminded and think to myself, "we have nothing in common; why am i here?" i'm not into wasting time anymore, so i am excited to state i will be on the shores of orange county in three weeks and there until august! jus' need to hook up with an awesome church, that's all i hope for! until then, i will be singing my face off and preparing for blast-off!

wishing you amazing days...

sunday-super-surprise : coachella [?!!]

Yesterday while walking out of our five hour rehearsal, i'm stopped by R & S, two dancers i've been able to share with and work with these past couple months. R asked if i had been to coachella this year, and i expressed that although i would've loved to be one of the crowd, financially it wasn't a sound move. that's when he pushed two vip tix on me! so stunned and shocked at the question, "do you want our tickets? we're not going to use them.." i squealed, "YES!" and thanked them, just before running off and inviting T to come with.

it took us about fifteen-twenty minutes to walk over from the field where our car was resting, but we eventually made it to the madness! never in my life have i seen so many beautifully, yet effortlessly dressed individuals with a few dozen fashion-please-do-not-repeats.

T & i ran into familiar faces, as well as extremely well-known strange faces. also saw a hand full of "the RESCUE" tees, with some on-fire invisible children supporters which is always a pleasant surprise.

as far as bands go, since we got there at six, we were only able to see devandra banhart, public enemy and my favorite, the cure (who totally owned after twenty something years).

devandra was brilliant, and all have from that moment is a couple of fuzzed photos and a tequila-wreaking scarf.

i was somewhat stunned to hear the fifty-something-year old public enemy member, flava-flav! but the audience looooved him.

coachella was amazing because the sound systems used were flawless and the artwork so engaging.

the vip area was kinda lame, other than the fact i was able to thank kirsten dunst for recognizing and supporting invisible children.

other than that, i just had a good time with my brother, T, who i was able to capture with my pocket-camera.

a favorite

(no comment)

Thank you, R & S for the amazing sunday-surprise!

next year, M, S & K-han are coming with us....

when things start to bottle up, i speak even more vaguely

(photo found using unoriginal googlesearch//credit: Carlen Schmidt)

the more i look into the mirror, the more i am determined to never be photographed. my face is funny and big-featured, my body too thick and my eyes unsettling with the never-ending shame, embarrassment and defeat. to live as a disappointment and sore in others' eyes is something i must bare and i am sorry for each thing said and done. i am a babbling fool, but my only hope is that He will change this nothing of a person into something bright and beautiful... for i am nothing without He who calls us into understanding.